Avoid stoner chat, Instagram and ELO: how to suffer a festival season

June 13, 2016 - garden totes

For me, dual things symbol a central opening of summer. The initial is a annual attainment of a freelance yogi who offers £5 feet massages in my internal park. He lies prosaic front on his stomach, takes a sweaty feet of strangers in his hands and rolls them opposite his face and forehead. That’s a massage. He’s there any year during a initial pointer of object and hasn’t been arrested yet.

The second, a national starting pistol for summer, is presumably my favourite thing about a whole season: festivals. we adore music, and sunshine, and some of my friends, and so it’s not irrational to suspect that a meticulously designed joining of all 3 competence be utterly a good thing. The usually difficulty is that once we arrive during that ideal moment, it’s formidable to chase a memories of all a balderdash ones, so we get stranded chasing that rise festival high any summer. Still, if you’re an optimist condense masochist and put batch in a community low-pitched experience, how can we make a many of a festival season?

Don’t be a festival purist Not everybody wants to spend a weekend in untamed stay conditions since it’s a truly “festival” approach to do things. Authenticity doesn’t exist; a epoch of “real music” (generally tangible by people who crash on about it as guitarsbassdrumsbore) is over. Sorry.

Beware a reusable crater economy Don’t get sucked in. Thomas Piketty wouldn’t be means to calculate a cost-saving economics of reusable cups. You’ll buy one so we can save a world and some income any time we buy a drink. The existence is you’ll finish adult with about 6 crappy eyeglasses by a finish of a weekend, nothing of them refundable and all unfailing to be guiltily pressed in your kitchen cupboard.

Accept that all a biggest festivals during this indicate are sole out Organised people, a ones who buy adult tickets within mins of them going on sale, are a misfortune if you’re not one of them. But everything’s a festival these days. Your internal drink garden’s substantially got a festival on right now. You’ve usually got to get into a festival spirit. Let’s come to a mutual agreement that “the festival spirit” means furious desert and fun during being untethered to genuine life – and to your phone. As if! What’s a indicate of a festival if it’s not an Instagram event validating your good time?

Go easy on Instagram One post per day maximum. No exceptions.

Embrace a reticent phone The festival hardcore have burners – bricks that need one charge, don’t die, and will never be stolen. The rest of us competence deposit in a unstable USB horse of a kind we saw in that “festival gadgets reviewed” underline …

Ignore “festival gadgets reviewed” features Never compensate any courtesy to them – including any ever created by me. They’re usually an forgive for poncy hacks to blag a bucket of giveaway swag.

Bin a swag Nothing you’re given for giveaway during a festival is ever value keeping. Even (especially) a branded receptacle bag that came with giveaway condoms and a slot fan. Dump it all on departure.

Camp with caution The best recommendation to be given about camping: don’t do it. And if we do, try not to set your tent adult subsequent to a large flag. Campers with flags will come in a squad and that squad will come with fold-up chairs. Any squad with unstable outside seating is also guaranteed to have an acoustic guitar, a deceived clarity of musicianship and a misfortune stoner discuss come 5am.

One “arts, comedy, music” festival this summer is adequate Latitude. Wilderness. Festival 6. Bluedot. Green Man. End of a Road. Same casting, opposite weekends. There are usually so many times we need to see Josie Long do her thing.

Believe me when we tell we V Festival has a many culturally applicable lineup this year No other festival has managed to book Bieber and Rihanna; flattering most any other act personification everywhere else can be seen during slightest 4 times opposite a subsequent 3 months.

Remember: festivals aren’t for checking out prohibited new music You didn’t compensate £250 to see Liss. “Hot new music” is for your MacBook. Festivals are about checking out all a creaky aged mega acts before they die. Your Brian Wilsons, your Maccas, a Who.

But not ELO No one needs to go that far.

Don’t get blairy If you’re a bloke tight adult to a indicate where beery and lairy have conjoined to conclude your sold code of awful, take stock. You’re doing it wrong since you’re ruining it for everybody else. A bit like …

Girlfriends on shoulders Also famous as a concept invitation for someone to pitch a cosmetic pint potion during you.

Never emporium “the festival look” In a same approach bikinis are usually for beaches and never for parks, so anything bought in a “festival looks” territory of any online conform tradesman should substantially be burnt on sight. Costumes competence supplement to a festival’s “vibe” though a uniform of flower crowns, denim cut-offs and wayfarers does not. Even Natasha “Bat For Lashes” Khan, begetter of festival fashion, feels ill about a ubiquity of feathers, shine and fringing.

Just go with a farmers’ marketplace and a middle-classification of festival culture Get over yourself. Have we seen a normal cost of a festival ticket? Rather a good organic halloumi hang than a 3am vom-de-noodlebox you’re slurping on.

Pay no courtesy to capricious how-to-do-a-festival manners created by absolved media twats who substantially never leave a backstage bar The comprehensive misfortune of a lot. See we during a front for LCD Soundsystem?

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